The Devil's Mercy by Florian Müll

Author:Florian Müll [Müll, Florian]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Amazon KDP
Published: 2024-01-19T00:00:00+00:00

14

A glimmering chocolate cigarette rested between my fingers and a book in my lap. The breeze from the cold night outside made me shiver, but I didn’t close the window. This late, the city was dark. The light was off in all windows but one, in which a candle flickered. This was how I usually spent my evenings, only that this one had lasted until way into the night. Also, I couldn’t focus on my novel this time. I couldn’t concentrate on something as ordinary as fiction when reality was so complicated.

Grey-black ash hung from the tip of my cigarette. It had almost burnt halfway down without me dragging at it once. I flicked the stub, and whatever structure had kept the ash aloft collapsed. The chips of ash tumbled into the darkness of night, a few still glowing until they, too, went out. I raised the cigarette to my mouth, took a drag, and let the warm fume into the depths of my lungs. Then, I released the brown smoke into the night. It curled around itself as it rose in the opposite direction of the ash while I enjoyed the sweet cocoa taste it left in my mouth.

My mother had always been stubborn. She had never seemed like anyone who was illusioned by some fallacy, or bias, or what-have-you. To see her succumb to the same demons she had once exorcised in me was… Another trembling drag kept most of my weep in.

You know I know people like no one else does, Milesy. But I guess that knowledge wasn’t hereditary. Else, maybe I could’ve known. Maybe I would’ve been able to prevent her from developing an addiction had I visited her more often. Maybe it would have been different if she’d found another partner, like dad had in Lavender.

There was one, once, I remembered. He was fat and bald and had treated her like he’d wanted a servant instead. What had his name been? Abe. I had thrown him out after he had hit her. She had sworn to me it hadn’t happened before. At the time, I had believed her. Now, I wasn’t so sure. What had changed?

I sighed, another tuft of smoke leaving my mouth. No, I thought, it might be worse if she was with Abe or another man now. I wondered where he was, but I couldn’t think of any place bad enough for him. If the Facetists were right, then I hoped that Mara had learned a good deal on how not to behave when it studied his life. If any other denomination was right, I hoped he rotted in Hell.

I flicked my cigarette again. The glimmering ash fell, but the thoughts stuck to my mind.

Astrid’s reasoning for her refusal seemed understandable now that I’d cooled off. Yet, it still felt like a betrayal. Because our interaction had felt like a subordinate talking to their boss and not like equals talking to one another.

I hadn’t even expected her to help my mother. I had… I don’t know what I had expected.

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